My Choice

Anger and worry are things you choose. I choose to let go of things that eat away at me like tiny grubs eating holes in the things I enjoy and love. I can’t afford to waste the energy it requires to be angry with people who are no longer in my life. The wrinkles worries cause aren’t wanted.

I choose to look ahead and I choose optimism in the face of calamity. The opportunities I’m presented with won’t just keep happening. I choose to embrace the now and enjoy every fucking second of the life I’ve chosen to lead.

The next few months are going to be a huge adjustment. New state, new city, new home, new friends, new love, new job, new everything. New beginnings. I’m good at new beginnings; it’s cultivating and maintaining relationships, making sure I keep up with goals, and taking full advantage of every opportunity… those things I need to work on.

“…when you run, make sure you run to something and not away from ’cause lies don’t need an aeroplane to chase you down…”

It’s time to start over in such a way that everything blooms and blossoms in my favor. Only I have control over how my future occurs and only I have the ability to change the negative habits and thoughts into silver linings and positive outlooks.

It’s time for that choice. I choose to be better.


Fuck 2014

Fuck you Michael; you broke my heart. I gave everything to you, I changed my life because you helped me realize I was living wrong. I did nothing but improve and then you damaged my already fragile ability to trust. I’m glad you decided to finally stop texting me almost a full year after we broke up (like… three days ago).

Fuck you Natalie; you lived with us, pretended to be my friend and care about me, and your thoughtless and cruel actions destroyed the best relationship I’ve ever had. You’re a liar and a hypocrite and that is why you’ll probably never be happy.

Fuck you Mark; I did everything I could to try to erase you from my life and you’ve managed to weasel your way in with emails or messages at the WORST possible moments. I’m not going to think about you again unless I have to, you’re a ghost.

Fuck you teleNetwork and almost everyone who works there; if you work there you’re either an awful human being or way too good for that place. I’m hurting right now but I’m very glad I quit. Being broke hurts lot less than being treated like shit 50-70 hours a week.

Fuck you Chris; just… fuck you. You know what you did.

Fuck you Curtis; I thought you were something special but you’re just a narcissistic, lying phony. Really, go fuck yourself.

Fuck you Texas; I’m 99% sure I only have a few weeks left here. I’m just… done. The summer is too hot, the winter is terrible, and your politics suck.

Fuck you insecurity, doubt, fear and laziness. I’m done with you guys too.

Fuck you 2014, it’s been real… real fucking awful.

Bring on 2015.